if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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