The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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