when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
