Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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