True but thats because hes a fetus.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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