I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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