they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
