two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it's like heaven, but drunker
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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