I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
