dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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