I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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