WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
