I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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