He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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