That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
