i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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