You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize