we're blogging at a bar
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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