so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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