awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
