Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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