just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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