oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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