we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
