my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
