Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
