Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
