Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
