I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
