Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
my liver is dry heaving
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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