so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
