He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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