Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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