glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
