What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
