so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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