She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
