One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
