guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
