one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
