I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
