he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
