i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
