how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
