After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
