..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
