i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
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