he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
