Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
