i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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