yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
