I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
