I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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