escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
