My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You pole danced in your parka.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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