I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize