he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
