apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
