matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
