when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
