she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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