I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
