bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
