is your mom at the bar?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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