Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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