She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
