I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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