Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
