Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
