your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
