I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize