Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i now understand why vodka
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
