I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
