Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
