Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
