she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
